


Sins of Jealousy

by LadyXandra



Series: The Sins of the Evanuris [3]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Complete, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Romance, Short & Sweet, Smutt, Spoilers, Vhenan'ara, alistair - Freeform, learning to love, read to find out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-12
Updated: 2016-01-25
Packaged: 2018-05-13 10:44:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5704741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyXandra/pseuds/LadyXandra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alistair finds out that love and trust are not as easy as it seems....</p><p>This is a very minor spin off of my main story Vhenan'ara. It involves the same characters, in the same world. There will be others in the future, only being a chapter or two each.</p><p>Just as Vhenan'ara primarily surrounds Riel and Zevran, so too these snippets will primarily revolve around Alistair and *spoiler*. These really aren't a separate story in and of themselves, just an added dimension and inside look into two other important characters within my headcanon universe.</p><p>So PLEASE! Don't read this before reading the rest of the story leading up to this point. Because this and other similar short snippets I will be posting WILL contain spoilers if you are not up to date with the listed chapter reference!</p><p>This particular short takes place starting at chapter 60, and leads all the way through to the end of chapter 62.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Kiss

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Vhenan'ara](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4950538) by [LadyXandra](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyXandra/pseuds/LadyXandra). 



> Dragon Age: Origins is owned by Bioware, as with all its characters, the story as it deviates from canon is mine however, as with the personalities of characters as they deviate from those in the game.

It had been a full day since they had returned from the hidden ruins where they fought the werewolves. It had infuriated Alistair to be left out of the main room, even with Riel's attack on him. Lashing out at him as she had had been enough to cause his anger to rise, but to be left behind and wait idly by while she and Leliana left him and the others alone? _That_ had truly angered him. He had paced back and forth that ancient room, futilely trying to ignore the growls and snarls from the remaining werewolves, his mind awash with all the horrible things that could be happening to the women just beyond the guarded door.

After a long while, Leliana appeared at the door, pushing past the werewolf guard and going straight to Wynne. The women shared a few whispered words before they both hurried back to the door in which Leliana had come from. Alistair had tried to ask Leliana what was happening, let she only shook her head, telling him that she would explain later. At first the werewolf guard growled menacingly, not moving enough to let the women through. However a moment later he stepped aside and opened the door, letting the women pass. Alistair had tried to follow after them, but was slammed back by a heavy paw to his chest. Alistair drew his blade and pointed it at the werewolf, eliciting a chorus of growls and snarls from the half dozen werewolves around him. His anger boiling, Alistair sheathed his sword and continued his pacing, resolving himself to cutting them all down if he didn't receive some answers soon.

Just as he was about to fulfill his desire to slice down the werewolves blocking his path, a bright light flashed, and standing in the spots where the werewolves had been were now various humans and elves. They looked as stunned as he was, although their own shock quickly led into excited joy while Alistair remained cautious, his hand still clasped tightly to his sword. Without a word to him or the others in their group, the newly transformed sprinted past him and into the ruins, no doubt seeking their freedom.

Alistair had wasted no time and entered the room beyond where Leliana and Riel were. There he witnessed a human male attempt to sneak up on Zevran's turned back, but was stopped by both Leliana and Morrigan. The human male quickly fled through another door, hidden in the far back of the room. And there, laid across a stone sarcophagi as if she were some kind of offering, was Riel.

Zevran pulled the unconscious woman into his arms and turned, his face grim and pale as he held her tightly to him. Immediately Alistair had tried to ask what had happened, yet the Antivan elf ignored his questions, pushing past him without even a glance in his direction. Next Alistair asked Leliana, yet she only shook her head, her head hanging low as tears gathered in her eyes. Alistair had followed behind them, forcibly biting his tongue to keep from asking questions. Yet even when they returned to the Dalish camp and Zevran disappeared with Riel into one of the Dalish landships, Leliana still refused to speak to him. He had then gone to Wynne, hoping the old mage would tell him what had happened within the ruins. Yet she too only shook her head and sent him away, saying she had to see to Riel's injuries.

Frustrated and angry, Alistair had returned to their camp and waited. And waited. For the rest of the that night, none of the group's women returned to give word on the state of their leader. Sleep that night was incredibly slow in coming, and was filled with nightmares of a redheaded woman screaming, being turned into one of those ravaging beasts. Or being devoured by them as he stood helplessly by.

The next day was no easier. Again, Alistair had gone to the Dalish camp, yet no answers awaited him. Leliana had spent the night in the Keeper's landship, and when Alistair had sought her out, she continued to refuse to speak. All she would tell him was that Riel was alive. When he tried to push her for further answers, she shut down and would say no more.

Angry, Alistair had gone into the forests to practice his sword work. Yet even the rhythmic forms he practiced could not take his mind off the image of Leliana's face when he spoke to her. She was more than merely horrified. She was completely distraught. Instead of being happy that Riel was alive, Leliana was sullen and withdrawn. There was something _very_ wrong, and no one was telling him what it was.

"You're good at that, you know?"

The soft lilting voice surprised Alistair, causing him to misjudge his swing and nearly fall over onto his rear end. And the giggling that came after it did little to ease his embarrassment.

"Leliana! You're here! Wh-what are you doing here? I mean, you're welcome to be here. I mean I thought you were back at the Dalish camp?" Alistair's face flushed, ranging through various shades of red as he spoke.

"I wanted to apologize," Leliana replied, her eyes once more carrying a sadness to them. "You deserve a better answer than what we have been giving you."

"Um… You don't have too… I uh, of course I want to know. You don't have to apologize I mean."

Leliana lightly treaded closer to him, her footsteps soundless as they met the forest floor. Her hands were clasped in front of her, fingers wringing around each other. Leliana approached him with a smile on her lips, yet her eyes remained sad and carried the same distraught look as before.

"I know you want answers, Alistair. However, they are not mine to give. Things… _happened_ in the chamber with the Lady of the Forest. And I swore not to say anything until Riel recovers. Please understand that."

Alistair pulled off his metal gauntlets and tossed them to the ground before offering his hand out Leliana. Smiling when she placed her hand in his, Alistair pulled her closer to him. "Are _you_ okay, though?"

Leliana smiled at his concern, feeling a small blush come to her cheeks. "I should be asking that to you. Riel nearly killed you!"

"Meh," he shrugged, his shoulders rising and dropping again. "I've been travelling with her for a while now. It seems almost killing me is just how we seem to get along," Alistair joked with a grin. "Besides, I think that I am getting used to it. It lets me know that she cares…"

Leliana shook her head and giggled, amazed that he could even joke about such a thing. "What am I going to do with you?" Leliana mused with fake exasperation.

"Oh, I can think of few things…"

Leliana raised a questioning brow up to him as a wicked grin formed on her lips. "Is that so? Well, do tell…"

Alistair blushed and inwardly cursed, realizing that she called his bluff. Well, not _so much_ a bluff, exactly. More a revealing of his inexperience, as his mind suddenly went blank and a sheen of sweat appeared on his brow. It didn't help that Leliana burst out with another round of giggles, adding further insult to his embarrassment.

"Well! I uh… Right…" Alistair all but squirmed as he tried to form something to say. He tried to turn away to his no doubt fully red face, yet Leliana stopped him by placing a hand on his cheek.

"Alistair, look at me…" he crooned, pulling his face back to hers.

"I'm sorry, Leliana. I'm just… not very good at this it seems…" he confessed, his face growing warmer.

"Tell me something, Alistair…."

"Anything."

"When you fell asleep last night, whose face did you think of?"

Alistair turned fully towards her, his eyes locked on her own. "Yours. Only yours."

"And whose face did you think of when you woke up this morning?" she asked as she took a step closer to him.

Alistair placed a hand on her cheek and used his thumb to lightly caress the skin there. "Yours. Only yours."

Leliana felt her breath increase and her heart beat harder as she pressed herself up against his metal armor. "And whose lips do you imagine kissing when you are alone in your tent at night?" Her voice was a whisper, pulling him down closer to her.

"Yours. _Only_ yours…" he whispered back, his words barely audible as he closed the distance between the two of them.

The kiss was light at first, a simple touch of lips. It quickly grew more intense, with Leliana's fingers curling around Alistair's short brown hair. His hands found their way around her waist, one holding her tightly to him while the other slid up her spine. And when Leliana's tongue came out and licked the bottom of Alistair's lip, he melted before her. Clumsily he tried to return her kiss, his teeth knocking against hers which brought forth a giggle from her.

"Sorry…" he mumbled against her lips.

Leliana ignored his apology and continued the kiss, guiding him with her own tongue in the ways to kiss. Within moments he caught on, his eagerness to please her aiding him as he learned how to kiss her in return. Far too soon Leliana pulled away, seeking air. Still she remained close, her eyes sparkling as she looked up at him.

"Wow…" Alistair mumbled, his own eyes starry. Slowly a wide grin took over his face as he leaned his forehead against her own. "You are…"

"I care about you, Alistair. A lot…" she suddenly blurted out. Immediately her face reddened and her face shifted downward to hide it. Alistair gently placed his fingers on her chin and once more brought her eyes up to meet his.

"I care about you too… A lot…" he replied, a silly grin on his face. "I want you to know something…"

Leliana tried to hide her worry, the small voice in her mind once more speaking to her of all the doubts that plagued her. "Hmm? And what would that be?" she replied, placing a smile on her lips that she didn't quite feel.

Alistair brought his hand to her face where he let his thumb trail lightly over her bottom lip. "You are the first woman that I have ever kissed… And the only woman that I ever want to…"

Leliana's face brightened. "I think we can arrange that…" she giggled. Leliana then took his hand and began to lead him towards the Dalish camp. "Come. I would like to check in on Wynne and see how Riel is doing. Then perhaps I can see about teaching you a few more things?" she added with a seductive smile on her lips.


	2. Needing More

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dragon Age: Origins is owned by Bioware, as with all its characters, the story as it deviates from canon is mine however, as with the personalities of characters as they deviate from those in the game.
> 
> This is a very minor spin off of my main story Vhenan'ara. It involves the same characters, in the same world. There will be others in the future, only being a chapter or two each.
> 
> Just as Vhenan'ara primarily surrounds Riel and Zevran, so too these snippets will primarily revolve around Alistair and *spoiler*. These really aren't a separate story in and of themselves, just an added dimension and inside look into two other important characters within my headcanon universe.
> 
> So PLEASE! Don't read this before reading the rest of the story leading up to this point. Because this and other similar short snippets I will be posting WILL contain spoilers if you are not up to date with the listed chapter reference!
> 
> This particular short takes place just before chapter 60, before Riel awakens.
> 
> Thank you guys so very much and I hope you guys enjoy! And please, I would appreciate any reviews! Reading all of your responses is a true joy for me!
> 
> Translations:
> 
> Mi hermana: Antivan. "My sister."
> 
> Mi hermano: Antivan. "My brother."
> 
> Siempre: Antivan. "Always."

 

 

Alistair waited some distance away while Leliana spoke quietly with Zevran inside the landship both he and Riel were using. It was granted to the couple by Lanaya, the clans new Keeper when they came back from the ruins the day before. 'A gift' for the ones who had saved their people, she had said. Alistair shook his head at the thought of it.

These Dalish were completely different than the tales that he had heard while growing up. While they still seemed cautious around him, since returning from the ruins the elves of this clan no longer openly sneered or muttered insults at him. In fact, they seemed almost… friendly. And while Alistair was positive that somewhere there was at least an arrow or two still trained on him just in case, the people of the clan were at least no longer openly violent against him or the other non elves of their group.

It was something that eased Alistair's concern greatly, seeing as Leliana had been spending so much time in the camp lately. The hours that she had spent in the Dalish camp were spread out, speaking with Lanaya or Wynne, or visiting quietly with Zevran as she was now. Wynne herself had been kept busy in the healer's tent, speaking and sharing whatever it was that mages do when they are together.

Alistair sighed and shook his head. _Magic_. That was one thing that he doubted that he would ever understand. His years in the Chantry had long instilled in him not so much a _fear_ of magic, but definitely a tentative approach to it. And the beginnings of his training as a Templar had only enforced such an outlook. As it was, the very thought of mages without proper Templar support sent shivers down his spine. Unlike the Circles, the Dalish had so such protection. They lived without Templars, preferring to watch and guide their own. A dangerous endeavor, especially considering what little Alistair had managed to find out about Zathrian's own bargain with a demon.

At all times a mage was a danger, especially to themselves. And so Templars were trained to resist their magic, even ingesting lyrium on a regular basis after they take their vows to the Chantry. It aided in their abilities, granting them better mental fortification against blood magic and other such evil spells. And if Duncan hadn't come and recruited Alistair into the Grey Wardens when he did, he would probably be a full member by now. One of countless others, pledged to root out and gather up rebel mages. To instill them in properly sanctioned Circle's, and kill any maleficar - blood mages - who fought against them.

To the men and women of his old order, it would have been unheard of to know where not just one, but at least four non-Circle mages were and not send for reinforcements. Wynne may have been granted sanction by the Circle here in Ferelden to wander free from the ever watchful eye of the Chantry and its Templar. However, there was at least two mages in this Dalish clan that he knew of. The healer, Varela, who Wynne was spending much of her time with. And Lanaya, the new Dalish Keeper.

And then there were his own companions… Morrigan was a proud apostate - a mage not belonging to a particular Circle. The same was true of her mother, the supposed 'Witch of the Wilds'. Otherwise known merely as Flemeth. Both women flaunted Chantry rules, with Morrigan herself openly showing her disgust and disdain for the teaching of the Chantry. Many times had she and Alistair gotten into arguments over the teachings, each one usually ending with her threatening some dire outcome on him if he continued to persist.

The only other mage that Alistair knew of was one he never thought was one to begin with.

For weeks, Riel had hid her powers, not even using them in the heat of battle. Even against a High Dragon, she had refused to use the magic that existed in her blood by mere birthright. Alistair didn't know whether to applaud her restraint at such a feat, or to question her sanity. Either way, the fact of the matter was that she was as much a mage as either Wynne or Morrigan. Something that Alistair still wasn't sure how to handle.

As a rule and a matter of courtesy, Grey Warden mages were exempt from the rules of the Chantry. However, that still did not mean that they operated without supervision or consequence. Mages were at all times a danger, whether they were Circle mage, apostate, or Grey Warden. And Riel was no different.

And yet, she _was_.

True, Alistair was now seeing his obsession with her as it was. An _obsession_. Unhealthy. And more than that, completely one sided. However, feelings didn't always listen to rationality of the mind. And while he knew now that he had no place at her side as anything other than a fighting companion and ally, Alistair still couldn't seem to banish the soft spot in his chest where their leader was concerned.

However, it wasn't the driving force that it had once been. No longer was it an urgent need to prove himself, or gain her attention. Instead, those impulses were now directed somewhere else entirely. Before, his own desires had blinded him. His fantasies about how he thought things _should_ have gone blocking him from him from seeing what was right in front of his face. To a woman with beguiling green eyes and fiery red hair and a smile that could light up even the darkest of rooms.

In many ways, Alistair still cared for Riel. He worried over her, and he hated how he was being kept in the dark over what was happening with her. However, he had spoken the truth to Leliana when she had questioned him earlier. More and more of his waking time was spent thinking of her. And not just his waking hours held images and thoughts of her. His dreams would both torment and tantalize him, offering him forbidden images of seduction, or wretched dreams of her suffering in some dire way.

Alistair knew now that what he had felt for Riel was not love. Not the way it should be. However, what was happening between him and Leliana…. Maybe this was the beginning of something far more real than Alistair had ever thought he had with Riel. And that both excited and terrified him.

For if he was willing to kill a man over what he mistakenly believed was love before, what would he do if ever found the real thing?

* * *

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

* * *

"She still sleeps?"

Zevran nodded his head, his face drawn tight in a grimace. "Wynne has said that if she has not awakened by this evening, she would return with a tonic to help rouse her. However, I am… _uncertain_ of giving her what she does not need…" Zevran looked over his shoulder to the sleeping form of Riel and sighed.

"Wynne would not give her something that would harm either her or the baby…"

"Perhaps…" Zevran brought his eyes back to the bard and smiled coldly. "However, as I once told you, when it comes to Riel and her safety, I trust no one."

There was silence between the two friends for a moment as they each mulled over their own thoughts. Leliana than broke the silence, offering Zevran a stiff smile as she spoke. "I believe Riel was chosen by the Maker. And each of the ordeals that she has suffered has only served to make her stronger."

"She is strong _enough_ …" Zevran grumbled angrily, lancing Leliana with a glare. "Forgive me," he stated after a moment. Sighing in frustration, Zevran rubbed his hands over his face.

"It's alright. I understand," Leliana replied with a soft smile. "Poor Zevran. You must be exhausted! Have you been sleeping properly?"

Zevran paused as he thought about the past few weeks. Hardly a night had gone by where something had not kept him awake for at least some of the night. Thinking on it, he couldn't even remember the last time he _had_ slept a whole night. His nights were filled with either keeping his Riel safe from her nightmares, or watching over her while she healed.

"It _has_ been a while…" he confessed quietly as he looked over to the sleeping Riel.

"Why don't you lay down next to her and get some rest? You are surrounded by a whole clan of Dalish hunters and warriors, not to mention that I and the rest of the others are not far away either. You _deserve_ some rest, Zevran. The same as she does."

Zevran looked over at her and grinned sleepily. "As always, you are correct my friend." Zevran's smile spread as a mischievous look came into his eyes. "Shall I assume that I will not be the only one to be warming another's bed this evening?"

A deep blush came upon Leliana and on instinct she hid her face behind her hand. "I… uh… I don't know what you mean…"

"Come now, only a blind man would have missed the way you have been looking at the fool of an ex-Templar. And now I see that he is giving you a few flirtatious looks of his own. Something that I both worry over, yet I must admit to be thankful for as well."

A slow smile spread across Leliana's face as she fiddled with the edge of a blanket at her feet. "He's not as bad you think he is…" She took a breath, gathering her thoughts as she mentally tried to will the redness of her cheeks to disappear. "He can actually be kind of _sweet_ you know."

Zevran chuckled, a light coming to eyes that had been absent before. "I have to admit, that would _not_ be a word that I would use to describe him. However, promise me one thing…"

Leliana looked up at him curiously. "What?"

He grew serious, a dark look overtaking the light in his eyes and his smile fading away. "You have not just done right by me, more importantly you have done right by the woman that I love. If there ever be another in this world that I would shed blood to avenge, I would gladly have it be you. Tread carefully when it comes to the Templar, _mi hermana_."

Leliana felt her heart swell as she heard his word for 'sister'. She knew that such an endearment coming from a man like Zevran was never given lightly. Nor should it ever be accepted without full respect given in return. Reaching across the distance between them, Leliana placed her hand over his and squeezed it lightly. "I have known for a long time that the Maker chose well when he placed you in our path that day. You have become more than just a companion against the Blight. And I would _gladly_ shed my blood to defend you and Riel, no matter what comes." Leliana gave another squeeze to Zevran's hand before she began to move to the door to the araval. However, before she left she turned back to Zevran and smiled broadly. "Rest well, _mi hermano_. And make sure to take good care of our fearless leader while you do so." Leliana then quickly left, turning her head away to hide the tears that gathered in her eyes.

When she had left Zevran laid himself down next to Riel and wrapped his arms around her. " _Siempre_..." he whispered softly before letting himself rest for a bit.

* * *

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

* * *

Alistair finally saw Leliana leave the landship where Zevran and Riel were and walked over to her. However his smile at seeing her rapidly disappeared when he saw that she was crying as she approached.

"What happened?! What did that bastard elf do?" he snapped, not noticing the looks of ire or contempt on the faces of the Dalish elves around them. Instead he placed on a hand on Leliana's cheek, wiping away her tears.

"Oh I'm alright, Alistair! Really!" she giggled bashfully. Lacing her arm around his, Leliana led him away from the cluster of aravals, and away from the Dalish with their pointy arrows no doubt already aimed at the two of them.

"You were in there for quite a while. Is something wrong with Riel?"

Again Leliana shook her head, her smile growing wider. "Riel is fine. Just sleeping. I just… had a really nice talk with Zevran. That's all."

Alistair pulled Leliana to a stop and looked down at her. His brow was deeply furrowed, a look of jealousy brewing in his chocolate brown eyes. "I _nice talk_ … Uh huh…"

Leliana rolled her eyes at him. "Why? Are you jealous?" she teased playfully.

"Jealous? Me? No, not at all!" Alistair quickly replied, his hand coming up to rub the back of his neck. "I mean, what is there to be jealous about? It's not as if he is a better fighter than I am. Or a better… well… I'm certainly _taller_ than he is…"

"Oh Alistair…" Leliana giggled sweetly. "I think that you are wonderful," she replied sincerely. "Besides, don't you know that men who are taller often have a larger…-" she paused as she eyes wandered down his body.

"A larger what?" Alistair looked utterly confused until he followed the trail of her eyes. As realization of what she meant hit him, a deep red blush overtook his face and neck. "W-well! Uh… You… You th-" Alistair's voice nearly broke and he coughed in a futile effort to hide it. "You really think so?" Alistair's mind worked for a moment before he quickly added, "well, of course we - I mean _**I**_ do!"

Leliana tried fruitlessly to hold back her laughter as Alistair stumbled through his response. "Oh yes…" she replied, battling back against the tide of giggles erupting from her. "It is a fact you know. Why do you think women always want their suitors to be taller than them?"

"I don't know…" he replied, his hand going through his short hair. "I always thought it had to do with dancing, or something. Or maybe because they could a sword better."

"Oh, I am sure that you are _very_ good at wielding your sword, Alistair…" Leliana stated with a wink.

"Well, we have fought along each other's side for a while now. So you would have-..." Alistair paused as he noticed the seductive way Leliana was looking at him and how her eyes would repeatedly move down his body to his groin area. "Ohhh…. _that_ sword…" Again Alistair's face suffused with a deepening red color. "I uh… I do try... I mean, I haven't yet. With anyone, that is. Not that I do it by myself! Because yeah… But I have thought about it, though. Not thinking about doing by myself! I mean _with_ someone. I _have_ _thought_ about doing… _that_ … with some _one_ …" he stated, instantly regretting the words after he fell free from his mouth. "Ugh… Dear Maker, I shouldn't have said that…" Alistair groaned, his hand coming up to cover his eyes. "Right… I am just going to go over there… somewhere… And maybe hit a tree with something. Maybe my head…"

Alistair began to walk away, however Leliana took hold of his arm and stopped him. "Alistair it's fine!" she hurriedly replied. Yet her wide grin and bubbling giggles did little to relieve Alistair's bruised male ego. He looked ready to bolt away, his eyes darting around the scenery as if trying to plot out an escape route. To try and calm him down, Leliana placed her hand on his cheek and gently guided his gaze back to hers. "Trust me… It's fine…"

Alistair repeated her motion, placing his own hand on her cheek. Quietly he stood gazing into her eyes for a moment, indecision mixed with twinge of fear in his eyes as he stared at her. Suddenly he pulled her towards him, placing a scorching hot kiss against her lips. Because he had earlier removed his armor while waiting for her, Leliana collided freely against his own body instead of the heavy metal. Her own leather armor missing, the only thing that separated the two of them were the thin tunics that each wore.

Leliana moaned appreciatively, taking mental note at how quickly Alistair learned. He was forceful, yet not hurting her. Even when he blindly guided her backwards and her back bumped up against a tree, Alistair made sure that he cushioned her body with his hands. Still he ravaged her mouth, sliding his tongue over her own as his knee gently spread her legs apart. Leliana moaned again as she felt his hands glide down the sides of her body before coming to a rest at her hips. Once there, he squeezed gently as his thigh pressed up tightly against the juncture between her legs.

 _By the Maker!_ Leliana had never been this turned on by a man before! True, she had a few lovers in her past. But never before had they made her pant and writhe so quickly. Or so intensely! She was lost to the feel of him pressed tightly against her body, his mouth on hers while his hands gently squeezed her hips. Instincts had her rocking her pelvis against his own while her hands fisted clumps of his hair as she held him to her.

Alistair lifted his head, breaking their kiss. Breathing heavily he stared down into her eyes, his look searching… seeking something in her gaze. " _Leliana…_ " he breathed, the word more a pleading question than just merely the saying of her name.

" _More…_ " she whispered back, her eyes filled with dark need and desire.

"I…" Again there was a look of fear flickering in his eyes. As well as something else… _Shame? Frustration? Sadness?_ Whatever it was, it was quickly hidden as Alistair pushed himself off from Leliana's body and took several steps away. "I… uh… I need to go practice. I will… I will see you later, Leliana…" he muttered, not even raising his eyes to look on her. When Leliana tried to call him back to her, Alistair just shook his head and turned from her before quickly striding away.

"What in the name of the Maker…?" she quietly asked herself as she watched Alistair leave.


	3. Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dragon Age: Origins is owned by Bioware, as with all its characters, the story as it deviates from canon is mine however, as with the personalities of characters as they deviate from those in the game.
> 
> This is a very minor spin off of my main story Vhenan'ara. It involves the same characters, in the same world. There will be others in the future, only being a chapter or two each.
> 
> Just as Vhenan'ara primarily surrounds Riel and Zevran, so too these snippets will primarily revolve around Alistair and *spoiler*. These really aren't a separate story in and of themselves, just an added dimension and inside look into two other important characters within my headcanon universe.
> 
> So PLEASE! Don't read this before reading the rest of the story leading up to this point. Because this and other similar short snippets I will be posting WILL contain spoilers if you are not up to date with the listed chapter reference!
> 
> This particular short takes place during the beginning of Chapter 61 of Vhenan'ara. There will be one more piece for this story which will combine the two sections.
> 
> Thank you guys so very much and I hope you guys enjoy! And please, I would appreciate any reviews! Reading all of your responses is a true joy for me!
> 
> Translations:
> 
> Asha mirthadra's fala'thlon: Elvhen. "Honored woman's lover."
> 
> Bas-Karashok: Qunlat. "Foreign infantry/of low rank."
> 
> Follando pendejo: Antivan. "Fucking asshole."
> 
> Shem: Short for "Shemlen". Elven. Derogatory word used for humans. Means literally "quick children".
> 
> Shemlen/Shem: Elvhen. Literally "quick children". The original name of the Elves for the human race. Often used in a derogatory sense.

Alistair peeked open one eyelid and groaned. With a heave he rolled himself over on his bedroll and buried his face into his blanket.

_Morning. Great. Why couldn't I have just stayed asleep?_

Before sun's morning light rudely awakened him, Alistair had been having a _very_ happy dream. One that he wished he could go back to, instead of facing another day of his failures.

In his dream, he had Leliana against the that tree once more, only this time, he didn't stop as he had before. For once he didn't let his own fear and cowardice stop him as he had the day before. In his dream, there was no Chantry Mother's voice in his head, reminding him of his promises to the Maker. There was no laughter coming from onlookers who watched with glee at his inept fumblings as he would try in vain to become what a man should be.

There was just him, and Leliana. Blessedly alone. And for once, he was everything that he had wanted to be. Strong. Assertive. Passionate. And with a knowledge of women and their bodies to leave them begging...

However, the truth was far different than the dream. He was a Chantry raised virgin, taught that sexual relations between two people should be saved for marriage alone. And that it should be purely functionary, _not_ done for pleasure. He knew as much about pleasing a woman as he did about casting a magic fireball from his fingertips. And always in the back of his mind was the voice of his mentors, reminding him of each of his failures as often as they could.

The shameful fact was, he had fled from Leliana the day before simply because he was _afraid._ Instead of following his instincts and desires, he escaped to where he had hidden his sword and armor and took them into the forest. There he had gone back and forth between furious practice against the ancient trees, and trying to find some sort of calm in deep meditation.

Neither had worked the way that he had wished.

Instead of either working out his anger, or finding some sort of peace, all Alistair found was exhaustion and more self loathing.

When he had attempted to meditate, all Alistair could think of was how Leliana's body had felt against his own. How she moved, sounded, and tasted. How her tongue danced with his. Or the feeling of wet heat upon his thigh as she pressed her body into his. And worst of all was when she had stated… no _pleaded_ … for 'more'. And what did he do? He ran. Like the coward that he was.

"Maker… I'm pathetic…" he grumbled to himself before pushing himself up from his bedroll.

With angry motions he pulled on his clothing and armor, trying once more to ignore the taunting voices from his past. However his efforts were to be vain, as even as the bright morning sun blasted his eyes, Alistair could still clearly hear each one of their insults and laughter. And loudest of them all was the lilting laughter of a certain redhead, mocking him for his ineptness.

Alistair nodded stiffly to Sten who stood conversing with Shale off in the distance. Turning his head towards an all too familiar smell, Alistair rolled his eyes as the sight of the dwarf Oghren, pantless and passed out by the fire.

 _Maker, do we ever need the women back in this camp…_ he groused to himself as he walked over to the gurgling dwarf and lightly kicked him in the side.

"Wake up dwarf. You're missing your pants… again."

"Ugh… Damn rabbits…" Oghren drunkenly grumbled before continuing to snore.

Alistair shook his head and knelt down by the fire. Water was already on to boil, however looking through the food bag showed a rather meager supply of meat and other foodstuffs available. They were going to need to hunt something before they travelled again, which would mean more days spent with the Dalish.

And that also meant more days that he would need to find excuses to avoid Leliana. Afterall, it was far better to avoid her, than face more laughter and ridicule. His own mind was supplying enough of that in great doses. He didn't need her voice added along with the faceless jeers and taunts from his past.

With a sigh, Alistair remembered that their best hunter was also the same woman that he needed to avoid. In all his years in the Chantry or the time he had spent with the Grey Wardens, Alistair had never seen a better archer than Leliana. She could down a buck from hundreds of feet away without even skipping a heartbeat. With pinpoint accuracy, she could kill even the stoutest of Darkspawn even in the middle of a chaotic battle that raged all around her. Never had Alistair ever seen someone as talented with a bow as she was.

Which meant that if they had any chance of getting a deer or two by day's end, he would _need_ to go and tell her. With Leliana spending so much time in the Dalish camp these past few days, Alistair doubted that she would even know how low on food they were.

With a heavy sigh, Alistair stood to his feet and once more looked over to the snoring foulness on the opposite side of the fire. Stomping over to him, Alistair again booted the dwarf, this time harder than the first.

"Wake up dwarf! The last thing we need is for the women to come back to the camp to find your bare and hairy arse flying open in the wind! By the Maker! Even _**I**_ don't want to see such a thing!"

"Ugh… By the stone! Why is it so damn bright?" Oghren groaned as he sat up and brought a heavy hand up to shield his eyes. "And why does my arse itch?"

Alistair's eyes went wide for a moment before he shook his head. "I _really_ don't want to know. I really, _**really**_ do not want to know…" he replied with a shudder. Alistair then turned and walked towards Shale and Sten. "I'm sending Leliana out to hunt later. We are running low on supplies, which means that we'll be here for a few more days." Alistair looked over to Sten. "Do you think you could make some of your drying racks? The less time we spend in this forest the better."

"The whiny knight thinks it can become the new leader of this group now, does it?" mocked Shale in her usual gravelly voice.

"The _bas-Karashok_ believes it to be something other than it is…" Sten grumbled in disdain.

"Yes, yes. Make your jokes. However we still need to eat. And there is still a rampaging horde of Darkspawn travelling northward even as you laugh. Which means that if we have any hope of catching up with the horde before it reaches Redcliff, or Maker forbid Denerim, then we need to get back on the road. And soon. Which means, we need to hunt. And then dry the meat. Not to mention go foraging for whatever wild vegetables we can find. There is still plenty of work to be done, so unless you two have something more important to do, this _whiny bas-_ whatever would very much like it if you could spare some time to help out. No rush though. I am sure the Darkspawn will just sit by and twiddle their thumbs while we catch up."

Alistair didn't even wait for their response before he turned on his heel and stomped away. He was so _tired_ of being treated like nothing more than an idiot. True, he never wanted to lead the group they had managed to gather. However, that didn't mean his choosing not to lead was sanction for everyone to run over him with insults and flung mud. He had enough to deal with when it came to Riel and that elf Zevran. At least his treatment like an idiot was at least warranted in many ways by them. The others though?

Their continued dismissal of him only added to the chorus of insults that echoed inside of his head. And he was so very tired of it all. At least when the other Grey Wardens razzed or teased him, Duncan would stand up in his defence. Duncan was the first man to ever see something inside of Alistair other than an accident of birth or piece of slag to be tossed around.

However, the man was now dead. As with all the Grey Wardens that Alistair had travelled here with so many months ago. Their bodies lying disgraced and rotting on the ground of Ostagar, unable to receive the proper burial they deserve because of the Darkspawn horde that had overrun that area.

Alistair paused in his march, his gauntleted hand coming up and resting over his chestplate. Still the pain of that night cut into him. The replay of that horrific night was a common nightmare during these past months, with the imagined images of his friend and mentor dying at the foul and corrupted hands of the Darkspawn. All while Loghain turned and abandoned the field, sentencing not just his own king to die, but the one man who ever had placed any sort of faith in Alistair.

"Duncan…" Alistair whispered in grief.

However, he only allowed himself a moment for his private mourning. Alistair had learned early on in this journey that own private grief was not something to be shared openly. Being mocked by both first Morrigan, and then Sten, Alistair had learned to keep such things private. So with a shudder, Alistair once again stuffed the feelings for his late friend and mentor back down deep inside of himself. Steeling himself, he continued on his way towards the Dalish camp.

Once there, Alistair's eyes first sought out the Keeper's landship. From what Leliana had said the day before, the new Keeper Lanaya had been teaching Leliana many fascinating things about Dalish culture. Mostly stories and old legends. Leliana had explained that Lanaya hoped that if the humans were to hear of their tales, it would forge a greater understanding between the two peoples. Also, it would greatly aid city elves to know the stories of their people, and with Leliana's bardic training, she was the perfect student. Absorbing the old tales with ease, Leliana was quick to memorize everything that such precision that even the old healer Varela had given her praise to Leliana. The hope was that with Leliana being human, she could more easily come and go from the cities and towns, where she could spread the tales of the Dalish elves. Dalish elves themselves were usually not welcome inside of most cities, and so it was much harder for them to spread accurate tales of their lives for others to hear. Or would even believe.

Apparently it was a great honor, and Leliana had been beside herself with excitement when she had told Alistair about it. All Alistair knew was that he loved listening to her tell her stories, so having more of them to listen to didn't seem like a bad thing at all. However, the thought of Leliana again brought to mind his resolution to try and avoid her when he could.

 _Which means no more stories…_ he thought bitterly, reigniting his previous anger.

Again Alistair's eyes searched through the camp, looking for the familiar tuft of red braided hair that he ached to touch. However, there was no sign of her around any of the landships. And he wasn't about to go knocking, on them. Especially considering that the other most likely place for her to be would be inside of the landship that Riel and Zevran shared.

And that was certainly one place that Alistair did _not_ want to disturb. He had enough problems as it was.

Sighing, Alistair looked around for somewhat familiar faces among the elves that made up the Dalish camp. Other than Lanaya and the mage healer, there were not many that Alistair even recognized. However, there was one male who came into focus a few yards away who Alistair had dealt with once already. Walking briskly over the man, Alistair tried to affix his best friendly smile to his face, hoping that this time would better than the first time he met the craftsman.

"Master Varathorn! It is good to see you!" Alistair beamed as he approached the crafter.

"Shemlen," Varathorn huffed, not even raising his eyes from the piece of leather armor he was working on.

A few moments of empty silence passed between them before Alistair cleared his throat and tried again. "I wanted to say again how sorry I am for breaking that bow you were working on."

"Hmph," was all Varathorn replied with, again without lifting his eyes.

"You see, I had wanted to buy it for a gift for someone. One of the people I travel with. And I guess I pulled a little too hard on the string…" Alistair paused as Varathorn finally raised his eyes to him. However the look was full of pure disdain and impatience, and quickly went back to his work. "I did manage to bring you that special Ironbark you were looking for, though!"

"You did."

More silence dragged on between them. The Dalish craftsman Varathorn all but ignoring Alistair's presence as he worked on the leather armor on the table in front of him. Alistair cleared his throat and tried again. "About that travelling companion I mentioned… Leliana. The redheaded human? I wouldn't suppose you have seen her recently, have you?"

Varathorn once more raised his eyes, but this time to look left towards the forest. "She left a little while ago with _asha mirthadra's fala'thlon_ ," he muttered before going back to his work.

"Uhh… Thanks…" Alistair stated dryly as he turned and left in the direction that Varathorn had directed towards.

Inwardly he grumbled, hating the fact that he couldn't understand the confusing language of the elves. While Riel only usually swore at him in the Dalish language, at least there was no mistaking the intent of her words. With these other Dalish however, Alistair knew that these elves purposely used words that he didn't understand just to annoy him and make themselves feel superior to him.

It was something that both Zevran and the giant Sten would do. And it always served to just annoy Alistair further. He had never been good at learning other languages, even when he had been instructed with the other boys in the Chantry. Put a blade in his hand, and he could render almost anything apart. Try and teach him the differing ways someone could say the word 'house'? His mind would glaze over before his instructor said a single sentence.

At least he was getting used to the swear words, though. Those were repeated enough at him that the first time a Dalish elf had cursed out at someone close by, Alistair had instinctively cringed and braced himself for a blow. However, the voice who uttered the curse wasn't the feminine voice of their leader, and he wasn't the one being cursed at for once. A strange - albeit comforting - change from how things usually went.

On Alistair trudged, wondering why Leliana would come out so far from the Dalish camp with someone. At least, that what he assumed Varathorn had meant. Soon enough however he heard voices and Alistair slowed, immediately recognizing the rich and smooth foreign accent that carried on the wind.

Following the voice, Alistair crept forward. The words being said were muddled, however he definitely heard the male voice say the words 'kill her' and 'love'. Then came another voice, and this one he knew _very_ well. It was the same lilting, sweet voice that tormented his waking hours and dreams alike. And she was _laughing_ …

Alistair moved closer, choosing a hiding spot behind an ancient and fallen tree. There he heard the words that both broke his heart and infuriated him. The exact same words that had been spoken to him less than a day ago. However this time time they were being uttered to someone else.

"I care about you, Zevran…"

And to add further insult, the words she said were coupled with a the sight of his Leliana hugging that blasted Antivan elf!

The rest of the conversation was lost in the roaring anger inside of Alistair's mind. The events of these past few days at the Dalish camp began to remake themselves in his mind. All of the time that Leliana had spent in their camp, while he was either off training or in their own camp a short distance away suddenly took on a new meaning. Worst of all was the memory of the long periods of time that Leliana had spent inside that blighted landship with Zevran! Who knew if Riel was even in there to begin with?! Had he seen her personally since returning from the ruins? Maybe she was somewhere else, while Leliana and that Voidborn elf were doing Maker knew what!

Did Leliana's words to Alistair even mean anything to her? Did the kiss they shared? Did _anything_?

"Maker, I **am** a fool…" Alistair almost wept.

Again and again his mind tormented him with images of Zevran and Leliana together. Doing everything that _he_ had dreamed of doing, but was either too afraid or too inexperienced to do. It was as if the events of when Zevran came and stole Riel from him were happening all over again. Only so much worse. Because unlike the obsession he had developed with the party's leader, Alistair was beginning to find out what real caring actually was.

_That bastard Varathorn probably knew too… Knew that those two would be… together… That's what that asha-whatever had meant. Curse them all! To the Void with each and every one of them!_

Inwardly Alistair raged as a deep pain lacerated his chest. As if the loss he had suffered at Ostagar was a mere flicker, the pain he now felt was a hundred fold greater. Falling to the ground in heap, Alistair slammed his fist down repeatedly.

"Why?!" he screamed out to the heavens above. "Why must you take them all?! Why can't I ever have a single moment of peace without it being torn from me? My home… My family... Duncan… then Riel... and now Leliana, a woman I was starting to…! Starting to…!" Alistair stopped before he spoke the words that would make all of this so much worse.

Alistair shuddered as a fury of negative emotions rolled through him. Each twisted and turning inside of his chest until it became just a tangled mass of hurt and pain. And then just like that the chaos went silent. As if he were in the eye of a storm that raged in his heart, Alistair's mind went silent and he once more became calm.

Standing, Alistair looked back to where Leliana and Zevran had been, but neither of them were visible. Not finding either of them, Alistair turned and strode back to the Dalish camp without thought or conscious decision. As soon as he entered the camp, Alistair's eyes scanned the faces of each elf, seeking out on instinct the one who represented everything wrong with the elven kind in his mind.

Thieves. Murderers. Adulterers who seduced already taken women away from their men. Bastions of cruelty and corrupt self centered thinking, only living to serve themselves and no other.

The assassin's thickly accented laughter rang out above the din of the others, inciting Alistair further. Without thinking, his feet stormed towards the noise, coming upon the assassin spreading his wretched charms on the female Keeper of the Dalish camp.

"Of course I will do what you asked. It won't be easy and will require a bit of time, however it would be my honor to participate. Although, somehow I think that even had I disagreed that it would do little to stop you. However, in truth I can't think of anything better. Especially given how much you two have been through already…" Lanaya stated with a warm smile towards Zevran.

Zevran bowed with his usual flair, a charming smile on his face. "You do us great honor, dear Lanaya. And may I say-"

Zevran's words were cut off by a straight punch to his jaw, sending him stumbling to the ground. All around them came gasps of surprise, and Lanaya immediately dropped to Zevran's side, her eyes first checking him over before she raised an angry glare towards Alistair.

"What is wrong with you?!" she exclaimed towards Alistair.

"Just putting a filthy elf where he belongs!" Alistair spat, his anger returned and in full blast now. More gasps and murmurs could be heard from the gathering crowd, yet Alistair seemed immune to them. "You have taken the last thing from me, _assassin_!"

Zevran sat up on the ground and rubbed at his sore jaw. "Perhaps. I have taken many different things from many people over the years. Gold. Jewels. Their lives. However, very few have been true pleasures to take. However _you_? You, I shall truly enjoy taking your life. Although first, I shall deliver you everything that you are _**owed!**_ " Zevran snarled before snapping out his leg and sweeping Alistair off his feet.

Within a blink Zevran had Alistair lying on his stomach, his knee pressing deeply into Alistair's spine to keep the Templar from moving. With a hand pushing down on Alistair's neck, Zevran reached to his side and pulled free his skinning knife. Moving his hand from Alistair's neck to the short brown hair above, Zevran pulled back to reveal the throat underneath.

Placing the blade edge along Alistair's throat, Zevran bent down so his mouth was just hovering over the human's ear. "Today was **not** a day to test me, Templar. However, I will grant you one final word before I send you to the Maker you have so disgraced simply by breathing. Something I plan to rectify shortly, believe me!"

"Piss on you! Kill me! You have taken everything! I have nothing left!" Alistair hissed in bitter rage.

"Very well. Offer my good wishes to your Maker, you _follando pendejo_ …" Zevran hissed venomously. His blade was already causing a slight speck of blood to appear along Alistair's throat. Only a bit more pressure and a slight move of his wrist and the man would bleed out in mere seconds.

"Zevran! No!"

Zevran found himself blasted off of Alistair by a wave of energy, causing him to roll along in the dirt several feet. Confused, he was shocked to see Lanaya standing next to Alistair, who seemed to be struggling under some sort of spell.

"You will not shed blood in our camp! No matter if that blood is that of a Shemlen or not!" she screamed out angrily before turning to those that had gathered. With her staff in hand and her face set in a deep glower, she cowed the people into silence. Even those who had moments before been cheering on Zevran's actions. "I will not have the barbarity of Shemlens become our own! _Shemlens_ fight and kill each other! _They_ are the ones who attack without reason! _They_ are the ones who cheer and celebrate death! **We** are the People! The blood of ancients flows through us! And I will _**not**_ have you disgrace the memory of those ancestors by becoming no better than the Shemlens who slaughter and enslave us!"

Lanaya slammed her staff down to the ground, and a cloud of smoke erupted from the center of the impact. It was a cleansing spell she was casting, Zevran realized. A banishment of demons and spirits who would be drawn to the blood and anger that was spilled. Lanaya then turned to a few of the men who had gathered and leveled a glare at them.

"You will take this Shemlen back to his camp. No longer is he welcome among us. If he comes back, he will be subject to punishment under our _laws_. Not the barbarity of his _own_ people," Lanaya said with a sneer towards Alistair. She then turned to Zevran, her eyes no less kind than when she was addressing the men from her clan. "Seeing as you were attacked first, and given… your _special_ circumstances… I am willing to forgive this transgression in your case. However, any more fights within our borders _will_ lead to punishment on your part as well. Do I make myself clear?"

Zevran nodded his head as he returned his knife to his side. "Of course, Keeper. Please, forgive my actions. I was…"

Lanaya's gaze softened as she held up her hand to cut him off. "As I said, your circumstances have led to… certain allowances. However, as Keeper of this clan, I _must_ uphold our laws. Any more fighting…"

"I understand, Keeper. And thank you," Zevran uttered, offering her another bow. He gave one last spiteful look towards Alistair before turning to leave.

"Wait young man!" A mildly familiar voice called out from the crowd. Suddenly an older woman came running up to him, her grey hair frayed and disheveled. However it was the staff at her side that stood out the most about her. It, like all others, denoted her as a mage.

"I am sorry madame Varela. However I find myself not the best to offer suitable company…" Zevran replied through gritted teeth. In truth his anger still raged, and the last thing he wanted - or _needed_ for that matter - was to begin a verbal quarrel with the Dalish healer just because his mood was foul.

"Oh stuff it young man. If you ask me, all Shems deserve a new red necktie. However, I suppose you are going off to meet your lady Riel? Am I right? Of course I am. And I also suppose that you don't want to be answering her questions as to why you have a fat lip and a bruised jaw? Of course you don't. So just stand still and let me work my old healing magic on you. Should you have as right as a maiden halla before you can even say 'thank you, madame'. Now hold still."

Despite his foul mood, Zevran couldn't help but chuckle at the healer's… _forward_ \- way of speaking. In the few times that Zevran had spoken with her, it was often hard for anyone _other_ than her to speak. However, the woman was kind, and treated his Riel with gentleness and respect. And for that, he would do the same with her.

The woman lifted her palm and hovered it lightly over Zevran's jaw. Within a the space of a heart beat a blue light came forth and seeped into his skin, healing the injury Alistair had caused.

"There you go!" Varela stated with a bright smile. "Now, say it!"

"Thank you, madame Varela," Zevran stated dutifully, adding in another bow. "It is always a pleasure. However I-"

"Yes. Go on now. Shoo. We'll see to that…" she paused and shuddered visibly. " _Shemlen_ …" Recovering she turned towards the onlookers who were still gathered around. "You heard the Keeper! Go on now! There is still plenty of work to be done I think! And if not, you can be sure that old Varela will find some for you!"

Zevran disappeared from the crowd, leaving Alistair to whatever fate the Dalish elves had for him. The spell that kept him immobile was sadly one that he knew well, and the knowledge of it being it used against him once more only added to his anger and despair. Unable to even grunt at the painful spasms that speared through his body, Alistair silently cursed mages and their foul magic.

"Now… Surprised you, did I?" Varela cackled as she bent down to where Alistair was. "That lovely young woman Morrigan taught me this one. What a sprite that one is. So full of magic and interesting ideas. So is that charming Wynne, although she is much more reserved than a good mage should be, I think. Still, she taught me quite a few things which is always interesting when you get to be as old as I am. Lots of stories too. Stories about princes and Darkspawn and a load of other Shem fluff. However, I dare say that is why you are alive right now. Probably. After all, a royal throne needs a royal arse, and yours is just as good as any other. However, without your _particular_ royal arse on that royal throne, war would probably come to these lands faster than you can say 'Exalted March'. And we Dales have had enough of those, I think. So while I would just be pickled stink - or is that tickled pink? Nevermind. While I would just _love_ to try out some of the very new and interesting things your mages have taught me, it seems your royal arse is destined for that royal throne. Now be a good boy and don't come back. Or else I might figure that royal arse is just too much of a royal pain. If those fools in the cities want your royal arse on their royal throne, I'll instead just send them a vial of your royal blood instead! Ha!" Again the old mage cackled in laughter, the sound more akin to that of a crow than that of a woman.

The mage then stood and walked off, still cackling and laughing to herself as she left Alistair's sight. He could then feel himself be lifted roughly at the hands and feet, before haphazardly thrown in a small, single wheeled cart. With a thud he landed, pain exploding all over his back and adding to the body wide pain that the spell caused. Still unable to move or even speak, Alistair instead raged inside. His mind awash with threats of violence and hatred for those around him. However, his deepest and most virulent hatred was not for the Dalish elves who had trapped him in this spell. Nor was it for that blighted and Voidforsaken assassin who seemed to live solely to make his life miserable.

No, Alistair's most vilest of hatred was saved for himself. For all of his supposed strength, he was still as weak and pathetic as he was when his uncle had abandoned him at the Chantry when he only a young boy. Abandoned by the only family that he knew, Alistair was then as he was now.

Alone.


	4. Regret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dragon Age: Origins is owned by Bioware, as with all its characters, the story as it deviates from canon is mine however, as with the personalities of characters as they deviate from those in the game.
> 
> This is a very minor spin off of my main story Vhenan'ara. It involves the same characters, in the same world. There will be others in the future, only being a chapter or two each.
> 
> Just as Vhenan'ara primarily surrounds Riel and Zevran, so too these snippets will primarily revolve around Alistair and *spoiler*. These really aren't a separate story in and of themselves, just an added dimension and inside look into two other important characters within my headcanon universe.
> 
> So PLEASE! Don't read this before reading the rest of the story leading up to this point. Because this and other similar short snippets I will be posting WILL contain spoilers if you are not up to date with the listed chapter reference!
> 
> This particular short takes place during chapter 62. And okay I was mistaken, there is one more piece coming up. Oops. But that's what the muse says.
> 
> Thank you guys so very much and I hope you guys enjoy! And please, I would appreciate any reviews! Reading all of your responses is a true joy for me!

Leliana exited the araval and sighed. Despite the talk that she just shared with Riel, the future of her friend and spiritual sister still remained a mystery to her. There was so much pain in her heart… So much fear. Truly, the path of those chosen by the Maker was never an easy one. And it seemed as if their elven leader's was more difficult than most.

 _Maker… please guide her. Show her your love, and help her to realize that she not alone in this dark time…_ Leliana prayed silently to herself.

"Ugh… All this sentimentality is beginning to make me itch…" Morrigan groused from beside Leliana, causing the bard to offer a small smile.

"Admit it. You are starting to like travelling with us."

Morrigan shrewdly glared at Leliana, her yellow eyes spearing the woman with forced anger. "I will admit no such thing! 'Tis only out of necessity that I continue to force myself among your company! To ensure the end of a Blight that threatens far more than the pitiful lives of the people of Ferelden and those countries beyond it."

Leliana narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. "So tell me. Why _do_ you still travel with us then? It isn't just the Blight, or the danger it spawns." Leliana took several steps closer to Morrigan before turning to circle her with a slow stride. "You must have some hidden reason…"

"If I were to have such a reason, I would not share it with you, nor anyone else," Morrigan replied while rolling her eyes at the other woman. "Now leave me be, you wretched woman. All this fluff has left a foul taste in my mouth."

Leliana had to restrain her laughter as she watched the witch storm away, her head high as if offended. However, Leliana knew most of the woman's bluster and anger was merely for show. An act that she put on to keep herself distant from those around her. Under the dark and mysterious shield the woman erected around herself, Leliana was sometimes able to see a core of true compassion and caring inside of her. Under all the layers of bitterness and misanthropic anger hid something kind and even loving. Well… if you looked deep enough, that is.

Shaking her head, Leliana turned and almost ran straight into Lanaya, the clan's new Keeper. Since Zathrian had died with the spirit he created, Lanaya had stepped beyond her role as mere First and become the clan's next leader. A role that suited the sure minded and caring woman well.

"Leliana! I was just coming to find you!" the Keeper stated, her breath coming rapidly as if she had been running.

"What is wrong?" Leliana asked, her expression turning to a deep worry to reflect the look of concern she witnessed on the Keeper's face.

"It's Alistair. I had no choice… It was our laws, and I must uphold them as Keeper. Please understand… I had managed to stop him before blood was spilled, but the people… They are _angry_ …"

"Wait… What is going on? Stop who? What happened?" Leliana questioned, her concern growing deeper with every vague detail.

"Alistair started a fight. He _punched_ someone…"

"Oh no! Dear Maker! Who did Alistair hit?"

Leliana knew the tensions between the humans and the Dalish clans was thick with animosity and distrust. With humans being seen as cruel beings who hunted down elves for sport and profit, and elves being thought of as savages by many humans. The anger and hostility that elves held towards humans was plainly evident even amongst the clan that the group was currently staying with. The Dalish elves of the clan had indeed become more friendly towards her and Wynne since the ending of the werewolf curse, however generations of distrust and bitterness could never be erased so simply. As such, only Lanaya and the Dalish healer really ever showed any real welcome towards the two women.

The non elven men of their groups were treated even more coldly however, even after they had returned from the forest ruins. While no longer outwardly hostile, there was still a thick tension that existed between the Dalish elves and the men Leliana travelled with. One that saddened her, yet at the same time was completely understood. It was difficult for even the kindest of people to forget years of fear and abuse. Something Leliana knew far too well.

So to have news that one of their group - a male no less - assaulted a member of the clan… The dire repercussions of such an affront to the people hosting them clutched at Leliana's heart and chilled her blood. And to have the one responsible be Alistair of all people… A man she was beginning to care deeply for… Leliana felt as if the whole world was pulled out from under.

Lanaya paused as she mentally struggled with revealing the exact details. "You must understand… If it had been _anyone_ else… Someone from our own clan… The laws are _clear_ …-"

"Lanaya! Please tell me!"

"I was speaking to Zevran, helping him make plans… And then all of a sudden he was there! And he just… _hit_ him! For no reason! And then everything happened so fast! Zevran was on top of him, and people were cheering! _Cheering!_ So I had to stop it! If I hadn't, blood would have spilled, and there would have been nothing I could do!"

"Dear Maker preserve us…" gasped Leliana. "Where is he? Where is Alistair?" she demanded harshly, her mind too lost in a wash of concern to judge her own tone.

"I had to send him away. It was the only option. If he had assaulted one of my own people, I-"

"Excuse me Keeper, but I must go find him!" Leliana rushed out, cutting the woman off. She then took off at a sprint, past all the aravals and mingling people towards the campsite that the others had set up days ago.

* * *

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

* * *

Alistair groaned painfully as he tried to gather strength enough to pull himself towards his tent. The elves who had 'delivered' back to camp had roughly dumped his immobile body near the firepit, uttering foul Dalish curses that Alistair was sure he had heard before. The others of the camp barely looked in his direction when the elves had arrived with him, and no one had come over to aid him since they had left either. So it was up to him alone to somehow pull himself along the ground to his tent. There at least he could pretend to keep some of his non existent dignity.

Mentally cursing to himself the entire way, Alistair half crawled along the ground towards his own tent. _Damn elves… Maker forsaken bastards… To void with them all!_ Just as he reached the fabric opening of the simple shelter, he heard a voice that filled him with both dread and shame simultaneously.

"Alistair! By the Maker!"

"Maker, will my torment never end?" Alistair mumbled to himself.

Immediately Leliana was at his side and pushed him over to his back. "Alistair! What happened?"

"Oh you know. I think I ate too much ale. Or drank it. Although, with how thick that dwarf makes it, it almost qualifies as soup. Dangerous, foul tasting, alcoholic soup…" replied Alistair, forcing a smile to his lips.

 _By the Maker... she is beautiful_ … he mused silently as he met Leliana's green eyes.

"Here… Let's get you into your tent…" Leliana stated as she tried unsuccessfully to pull Alistair to his feet. However, with his armor on he was far too heavy for her to lift. Even with fumbling help, it took several minutes before both of them were fully within the tent and away from prying eyes.

"Umm… Thanks…" Alistair whispered shyly. "You don't have to stay. You probably have other people to do- I mean see! Talk to! Right… I'm just going to roll over here and stop talking now."

However his attempt to roll to his side was stopped by Leliana placing her hand on his arm. "Alistair, talk to me! What happened? Lanaya said you hit someone!"

Again Alistair let loose a string of mental curses. "I… Uh… It's not a big deal. I think maybe it might be a good idea for me to stay here in camp though until Riel is able to travel again." Alistair tried to roll to his side away from Leliana once more, but she again stopped him.

"Alistair, you know that is bullshit! Now start talking!" she huffed angrily, lancing him with a powerful glare. However, her irritation at his non answers only worked to set fire to Alistair's own anger, still potent and raging from earlier.

"What's the point, Leliana? Are you going to tell me another story? Another lie? Or is that what you want me to say? A story to placate you, as you have done to me? I am a grown man, not some child to be played with! I may be naive in _many_ things, but I won't sit around waiting for something that won't ever come! Or worse yet, _taken_ from me like everything else in my life!" he bellowed as he tore his arm away from Leliana. The anger that had been boiling in his chest was finally too much and he exploded, hitting her with the full force of it.

"What in the name of the Fade are you talking about?"

The bitter emotions swirling inside Alistair granted him strength enough to push himself to an almost sitting position as he continued to vent his raging anger. "Is it because I left yesterday? Or because I don't know how to kiss? Yeah, I'm an idiot. A foolish idiot who somehow made it to adulthood without even kissing a woman, let alone other… _things_! That's it, isn't it? Why you chose him? Why _she_ chose him! I am damnable, blighted virgin who can't even speak to a woman I care for, let alone take care of her properly!"

"Wha-... Alistair, I don't care about any of that!" Leliana rushed out, her hand coming to reach for his own. However Alistair yet again pulled away from her.

"Don't you? Then why, Leliana? Answer me that! Why in the name of the Maker would you go to _him_ of all people?"

"Who? Who are you talking about?"

"Who else?! Who else has worked so hard to remind me of everything that I am _**not**_ since the very moment he joined us? That Voidforsaken _assassin!_ "

" _Zevran_?" Leliana bewilderedly gasped.

"Oh don't act so _innocent_ … I fell for that once. I'm _not_ doing it again. I know what I am and what I am not. And while I may not be as _charming,_ or _suave_ , or _experienced_ as he is… I… I…-" Alistair stopped as he felt a wetness sting at his eyes. Adamant that she not see yet another sign of his weakness and even more infuriated at simply the mere presence of the tears themselves, Alistair again lashed out. "Get out! Get out of here! Go back to that damnable elf! Go back to all of them! I don't need you here!" he bellowed at her, his face tinged red and twisted by his fury and shame.

Leliana bit back her own tears as she endured his raging voice. Confused, angry, and hurt she shook her head and left the tent. She had no idea why Alistair was so angry at her, or what she had done to provoke him to it. However, there was no mistaking the fact that she was no longer wanted by him. Whatever she had done, it was clearly enough to completely sever the small budding feelings that he had begun to feel for her.

Once free of the tent, Leliana ran blindly, not caring where her feet took her. Her heart was broken and shattered, and all she knew was that she had to get away. Somewhere far away where she could pour out her grief.

"Hey… Have ya seen Tin Man? He said he was gonna ta-" Oghren began to say to Leliana before she rushed past him, nearly knocking him over. "Hey! What's yer hurry?!" he snapped as Leliana ran past.

Back in the tent, Alistair was wallowing in his anger and sorrow. He knew he shouldn't have yelled at Leliana like that. It wasn't her fault that he was such a failure at everything. The darker parts of his mind reminding him yet again that of course a woman would choose an experienced man over that of a bumbling virgin such as himself. Leliana herself was beautiful, elegant, and beyond amazing in everything she did. She deserved a man who would please her as much as she pleased him. And although Alistair wished he could be that for her, he knew that he was certainly not good enough for a woman such as her.

And a prime example of how little he deserved such a woman as her was how he so completely lost control of his anger a few moments ago. No man worth anything would yell and rage at a woman like he did. Especially one that he claimed to care for. Bitterly he groaned, the anger he felt now fully turned against himself.

 _I have to make this right_ … Alistair thought to himself. He knew that Riel hated him. And she had every right to. However, even if Leliana didn't want to be with him, the thought of her hating him was a crushing pain in his chest.

Still in pain from the that evil healer's spell, Alistair forced himself up and out of the tent. Standing to his full height, he did as he did in the midst of battles and turned the lingering pain into fuel for his body. Letting it settle in around his muscles and act as a driving force instead of a crippling one. Alistair then quickly scanned the camp, hoping in vain to see where Leliana had gone. Unfortunately all he could see was Oghren standing by the common fire, again chugging down whatever booze-like swill he had in his mug.

"'Ere ya are, Tin Man!" Oghren stated with a broad smile as Alistair approached. "I was abouta go lookin' fer ya. I was scroungin' fer some 'ole food, and-"

"Leliana. Have you seen her?" Alistair demanded, cutting off the dwarf.

"Yep. Quite in a hurry to. She went off 'at way…" Oghren replied, point off toward the thick woods. "About 'at food, though…"

"Later, dwarf." Alistair ignored the shocked look on Oghren's face and broke off into a run in the direction that was indicated. However, he only made it a few feet before a chilling sensation erupted down his spine. Stopping instantly, Alistair scanned the trees and shadows around him, his instincts going wild. "Oh no… Not now…" was all he managed to say before an ear piercing shriek broke through the silence. " **Darkspawn!** " Alistair bellowed out as he pulled his sword from its sheath and readied himself.

All around chaos suddenly broke out, with an onslaught of arrows raining down on him. Quickly Alistair ducked under his shield to avoid being pelted by the stinging arrows. Next to him a shriek appeared out of thin air and sliced out a bladed limb towards Alistair's head. Years of practice and actual battle had granted him to reflexes necessary to avoid the hit, however he wasn't fast enough to dodge the strike at his chest. Taking the full force of the blow, Alistair was glad he was still wearing his heavy armor.

Shouts he recognized as coming from Oghren echoed over to him, however he couldn't afford to turn and help the dwarf until he dealt with the shriek who continued to slice out in quick succession at his body. Using his shield, Alistair slammed into the shriek and knocked it backwards, giving enough room for him to slice into the foul thing with his sword.

Darkspawn blood squirted out as Alistair removed the thing's ugly head from its shoulder. However, as the shriek fell a genlock took its place, wielding an axe with a blade larger than Alistair's whole upper body. Shifting to the left just as the blade came down, Alistair struck out with his own sword. The blade cut deep into the creature's chest, yet the wound barely seem to faze the damnable thing. Again the genlock raised his axe and bellowed out a war cry. Alistair waited until just before the axe would have cut through his armor before swiftly turning his body on his heel. With an agility that belied his large frame and heavy armor, Alistair positioned himself behind the screaming genlock and impaled the creature through the upper chest.

"Nasty Maker forsaken abominations!" Alistair roared as he pulled his sword free from the now dead Darkspawn. Lifting his eyes, he surveyed the scene and inwardly cringed. Both Sten and Shale were holding their own against several hurlocks and genlocks, while Oghren was baiting a rather nasty looking and impossibly large hurlock. Even with a broad smile on his face, Alistair could tell the dwarf was limping badly as he taunted the hurlock before striking out with his hammer.

However, none of them were who Alistair was praying to find. Cursing to himself, again Alistair looked towards the thick woods, hoping that Leliana managed to get to the Dalish camp before the Darkspawn found her. He wouldn't be able to live himself if something happened to her because of his foolish anger and pride.

To his left a shriek screamed and pounced from the shadows, it's blades swinging out in wide arches as it tried to remove Alistair's limbs from his body. His concern fuelling his anger, Alistair returned the attack, smashing his shield into the shriek twice before knocking it down on the third strike. However, just before he brought his blade down to end the miserable thing's life, a powerful push from behind had Alistair tumbling forward and onto the ground.

Flipping over onto his back, Alistair witnessed the same large and imposing hurlock that had been fighting Oghren. Only it looked far more enormous this close up than it did before. And in it's hands was Oghren's hammer, wielding the immense double headed weapon as if it weighed nothing.

With a menacing and deep laughter, the hurlock stepped closer to Alistair and brought the hammer up high above it's head. Within a blink it would come crashing down, no doubt ending the sad and pathetic life that Alistair had been living up until that moment. And even though his death was surely only a fraction of a heartbeat away, all Alistair could think of was Leliana.

Her smile. Her laughter. How her hair fluttered in the wind. The way the sunlight shined down on her skin, making it seem as if she were glowing. Most of all, he thought of the kiss they shared the day before. The way she felt pressed up against him. And in that moment he knew.

Whatever he was. Whatever he wanted to be. None of it mattered. All that mattered was her. And that if given the chance, he would go back to the day before when he left her and show her that despite his failings, he would show her that what he felt for her was _real_. He wouldn't have run away like a coward. He would have stayed and showed her that he may not be _experienced_ or as _charming_ as other men. But what he felt… That was what truly mattered.

Instead it was too late. His life was over before it ever truly began. And the last thought on his mind as he closed his eyes and waited for the blow that would end him forever, was a single prayer.

_Maker… please give Leliana a man that she deserves._


	5. Visions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dragon Age: Origins is owned by Bioware, as with all its characters, the story as it deviates from canon is mine however, as with the personalities of characters as they deviate from those in the game.
> 
> This is a very minor spin off of my main story Vhenan'ara. It involves the same characters, in the same world. There will be others in the future, only being a chapter or two each.
> 
> Just as Vhenan'ara primarily surrounds Riel and Zevran, so too these snippets will primarily revolve around Alistair and *spoiler*. These really aren't a separate story in and of themselves, just an added dimension and inside look into two other important characters within my headcanon universe.
> 
> So PLEASE! Don't read this before reading the rest of the story leading up to this point. Because this and other similar short snippets I will be posting WILL contain spoilers if you are not up to date with the listed chapter reference!
> 
> This particular short takes place during chapter 62. This **should** bring us up to date with the ending of chapter 62 of Vhenan'ara.
> 
> Thank you guys so very much and I hope you guys enjoy! And please, I would appreciate any reviews! Reading all of your responses is a true joy for me!
> 
> Translations:
> 
> Mon Cher: Orlesian. "My dear."

Leliana didn't get far before she collapsed down to the ground. Wrapping her arms tightly around herself, she doubled over and wailed in bitter sorrow. The pain in her chest was crippling as it pounded with every sob that broke free. Hidden among the trees, she let the tears fall freely, undaunted and unrestrained.

"Why? Why Maker? Why must I feel this way again? What have I done to deserve this?" she wailed through the tears.

Again and again she heard Alistair's voice in her head, screaming at her for some crime that she never committed. A crime that she didn't even understand. His raging voice became a galewind in her mind, combining with the voices of all the others in her past who had betrayed her over something she never did. The anger he expressed at her melding into the jeers and insults she had suffered at the hands of those she had trusted.

Leliana rocked herself as she cried, a vile hatred building inside of her for everyone and everything around her. Once more she was left in agony, betrayed and abandoned. Forgotten. Only this time there was no mercy coming to her. No helping hand in the middle of the darkness that became a light of salvation.

She was alone. Alone in this Maker forsaken forest. And while she had friends and allies she could turn to, the only one she truly wanted and sent her away. Cast her out because of things beyond her control or even knowledge. Leliana shuddered as the anger grew inside of her, turning her pitiful sobs into a roaring scream of bitterness.

" **Why?!** " Leliana screamed out into the darkness, her head angled up at the sky above.

Suddenly the forest lit up in a brilliant flash of light. The trees around her disappeared completely, leaving only a barren land behind. Where green and lush grass and bushes had been, now only a greyish brown and broken land existed as far as she could see. No life grew here in this forsaken land, with the scattered bones of long forgotten animals lying dry and baked in the overbearing sun above.

The ground then rumbled, as if the very earth were about the split apart. Leliana tried to stand, but she lost her balance and fell back down. However the ground beneath her began to fall away and down Leliana fell with it. In desperation she reached out, her hand grasping hold onto the edge of the peak. Breathing heavily, Leliana looked down and wanted to scream.

A wave of darkness was swarming underneath her. As if it were a liquid ocean of blackness, it churned and lapped at the cliff face she clung to. Tendrils of slimy black began to coil up from the bulk of the liquid and reach towards her. The blackness wanted to consume her, and upward it strained with long tentacles to reach her dangling legs.

Leliana screamed again as she kicked her legs at the tendrils. _She wouldn't be taken like this!_ Leliana took a breath and reached up with her other hand, however her fingers couldn't find hold on the ledge above. She tried again just as a black tendril wrapped itself around her ankle. It was unbearably cold and slimy as it clung to her skin, sending chills all through Leliana's body.

"Tsk, tsk kitten… See the trouble you get into when I am not there?"

The voice that rang through Leliana's ears made her cringe even more so than the slithering tendril at her ankle. The sweet and seductive Orlesian accent was one she knew far too well, and one that had many painful memories attached to it.

"Now, I _could_ help you. Bring you free from this nightmare of darkness. However… there is always a _price_ isn't there?" The sweet feminine voice then laughed, the sound just as malicious and bitter as Leliana remembered it to be. "So what shall it be, kitten? What price shall you pay this time?"

Leliana ground her teeth together and tried to block out the memories from her past. With a heave she reached again for the edge of the cliff, this time her fingertips finding purchase against the crumbling rock. However the dark tendril around her ankle began to pull her back down, nearly causing Leliana to slip down once more.

"Tsk, tsk…. How you struggle… Why do you fight so hard, Leliana? Tell me, what is there to gain?"

Still Leliana refused to answer the voice as she kicked her legs her legs out, fighting against the pull of the dark tendril. The voice rang out in dark laughter as Leliana struggled, mocking her efforts. However Leliana refused to give up. Digging her nails into the parched and dry ground, Leliana began to pull herself up out of the chasm.

Suddenly a vision of Riel appeared just a few feet away from her. The woman looked as she always did, with her black hair hanging loose to the wind and her silver eyes looking angrily out on the world before her.

"Do you fight for her, kitten? Well, she _is_ pretty, isn't she?" the voice mocked dryly. "However, you know how elves can be. Or have you forgotten this one?" Beside Riel appeared another elf, this time a male. He had short dirty blonde hair and was dressed in a dark blue Circle robe. He held a face from her hidden past, from long before she sought out her refuge among the Chantry.

"Sketch…" Leliana groaned pitifully as she looked on the elf.

"Yes, he was quite useful, wasn't he? Until he turned on you as well…"

"I'm leaving, Leliana. I can't take this anymore. Not after… Not after everything…" the male elf said, his cold eyes piercing Leliana with an glare. The male then disappeared, his body turning to smoke and drifting away.

"Ohh, poor thing… They always leave, don't they? Well, maybe not _all_ of them…" the female voice stated in the same cruel tone a moment before another male appeared.

This one Leliana also knew, but for far different reasons. With dark brown hair that was cut short and peppered with small flecks of grey, the man who now stood before Leliana was one from her nightmares. With the face of a weasel and a sniveling voice to match, his cold grey eyes looked on Leliana with the same lustfilled perversity as he did that horrible night so long ago.

"Well, well. If it isn't Marjolaine's little spitfire. Back for another round are you? And here I thought you would have grown sore from our last tryst. No matter. I am sure I can work you well this time…"

"Fuck you, you bastard Howe!" Leliana hissed in lethal fury.

"Patience, child. We'll get to that in time. We _always_ do…" the man stated with a perverse smile on his thin lips.

Leliana grunted and managed to pull herself up further, her chest finally resting on the solid ground with only her legs still dangling free. However the black tendril still clung tightly to her ankle, adding extra weight for her fight against as she tried to pull herself free.

"You seem to be having some difficulty… Give me your hand, and I can pull you free…" Howe offered to her, extending his hand out.

However Leliana reached down to her waist and pulled free her skinning knife. With it she sliced out at the air between the two of them before his could reach her. "Come near me and I will gut you!" she cursed out as she swung the small blade again.

"Now, now… If memory serves, it was _I_ who gutted _you_ …" Howe replied with a hearty and twisted laugh. He then straightened and walked over to the image of Riel. "Maybe I will take this one instead?"

Riel remained motionless as Howe walked behind her, her face impassive as her eyes stared out into the distance. It was if she were a statue, yet she breathed and blinked as any other living thing would. Once behind her, Howe wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled him tightly against her.

"Hmm… What stories I have heard of her. So young. So _pliable_. I hear she once served _very well_ … I think she could do so again…"

"Don't touch her!" Leliana screamed out furiously. However Howe only laughed more as he watched Leliana struggle to free herself from the dark tendril that held her.

"She's right! Get your hands off of her!"

Leliana looked up and almost cried out in relief. There storming towards them was Alistair, his armor shining in the bright sun. He was furious as he pinned Howe with a deadly glare, and inwardly Leliana cheered. Surely _he_ would end this nightmare! He would save Riel from Howe, and then he would save her from the darkness below!

"Alistair!" Leliana exclaimed as tears of joy pricked at her eyes. "Save her! Please!" she pleaded desperately even as she struggled to pull herself up the remainder of the way.

"I intend too…" he hissed a moment before he pushed the image of Howe away from Riel. As Sketch had done before, Howe's body began to dissipate into smoke and drift away, leaving only Leliana, Riel and Alistair behind. Leliana almost shouted for joy until she looked up and saw the look that Alistair was giving to Riel. "You're **mine!** " Alistair whispered huskily to Riel before kissing her deeply.

Leliana felt as she were again falling. Only thing time, there was nothing to hold on to. No ledge to grasp to save her as she tumbled off into an abyss of darkness and despair. Even as her upper body was still solidly on the ground, in her mind there was nothing left to support her.

"No! Alistair! Please no!" she screamed.

"I love her, Leliana. I've always loved her. You were only something to pass the time…" Alistair replied to her, his eyes locked on Riel's face as he spoke.

"You see, kitten? They always leave you. Only I have remained. Only I can save you."

Leliana looked up to see the familiar dark brown hair and almost black eyes of her old mentor and lover, Marjolaine. A woman who at one time meant everything to her. She was a woman who Leliana had loved. Had admired. And would have done anything for. And then one day, Marjolaine had turned around and cruelly cost her everything, including nearly her very life. Betrayed and abandoned, Leliana had endured the most wretched of tortures because of this woman. And now here she was, smiling and offering out her hand as if nothing had happened.

"Get away from me!" Leliana hissed through clenched teeth.

"Is that anyway to speak to the woman that you love, _mon cher_? Tsk, tsk. How very rude."

"I may have loved you once, but you _never_ loved me!"

Marjolaine straightened and smiled, the sight of which resembling more that of a snake more than a human. "And no one ever will, kitten. Just look at your dear Alistair… Perhaps he finally saw you for the damaged goods that you are, and decided to not waste his time…"

Anger swelled inside of Leliana, fueling her ailing limbs with all the hatred and pain that she had suffered in her past. With one last pull, Leliana ripped her leg free from the grasp of the dark tendril and finally pulled herself up the rest of the way. Panting heavily, Leliana stood on uneasy legs and confronted Marjolaine face to face.

"I've had enough of your lies! You are not real! None of this is!" Leliana roared into Marjolaine's face. Instead of shrinking back in fear or surprise, the other woman just smiled.

"Good… Perhaps you may be becoming ready after all…"

The image of Marjolaine than dissipated as the others had, leaving behind nothing but drifting smoke. Taking in deep breaths, Leliana stood still as her mind tried to make sense of everything. As hard as she tried though, her mind couldn't seem to grasp hold of anything. As if her own thoughts were made of the same smoke that the images had been, they eluded her as she reached for them.

"You are strong. You will need it in the years to come." The invisible voice that now spoke was different than the others. This one was deeper, yet still feminine and carried with it an ancient quality that Leliana found hard to place or understand. "Look down. Look at what is to come," the voice commanded.

Without thinking, Leliana turned and looked down the cliff edge she had so nearly fallen down. Still the inky black ocean churned and rolled as dark tendrils occasionally leapt up as if they sought freedom. Or prey.

"A darkness is coming. Thicker and more consuming than what you see down there. And with it will be an endless death for all that it touches. Pain. Torment. Darkness. Destruction. And ultimately death. These are but words. The true essence behind them is something far beyond what you can imagine. And it is coming. And you, child… You will fight against it. Not with steel or arrow. But with your mind. Your cunning. Your ability to see past illusion and gather to you every hidden secret that people hide away. You will be the dagger in the dark. Something unseen, but always felt. And when you strike, it will be felt across nations."

"Who are you?" Leliana asked out into the empty air.

The deep feminine voice cackled in laughter. "Why is that always the first question that they ask? Not even a 'thank you', or even a proper greeting! Such rudeness!"

Leliana turned around, trying to find the source of the voice. Yet it seemed to come from everywhere at once. Even the very wind seemed to speak with the deep, resonating and feminine voice.

"Tell me who you are! Please!" Leliana called out desperately.

"Well, at least she said please!" the voice replied in the same laughing tone. "The only thing you need to know is that I am not one to be trifled with. Whether I am a spirit, a mage, or an old hag who talks too much… Well, that remains to be seen…"

Leliana felt a presence behind her and turned. There directly in front of her was what seemed to be a flickering shape of pure energy. With form, yet at the same time without. Still, something inside of Leliana told her that this was the source of the voice who had been speaking to her.

"Now, enough of this. There seems to be particularly annoying fool who just so happens to need your help. And as much as this fool has deserved his end, his fate is far too closely tied to others who I _do_ care for. So go on, girl. Rescue your fool. Only remember these words as you do so: sometimes the most powerful things we ever say are never said with words. Sometimes the actions we take - or didn't know that we are taking - speak far louder than the words that we did not say."

"I don't understand…"

"Ha! Of course you don't! No one ever does. At least until they... Wake up…"

Leliana covered her eyes as a blinding light erupted all around her. As the light faded, she lowered her hands and had to blind several times before her eyes adjusted. Slowly the scenery of the Brecilian forest came into focus around her. Looking around, Leliana was shocked that everything looked the same as it had before. The sun was still high in the sky, and the same trees still waved their branches in the slight wind.

It was as if she had never left. Had she? Was this another vision? Another message from the Maker? Was that feminine voice, the voice of Andraste, the blessed bride of the Maker? Somehow Leliana doubted that last one. The voice may have been that of a woman's, however something inside of her recoiled at the thought of such a blessed and holy woman as Andraste saying or doing the cruel things she had witnessed. And although there was parts of this vision that were similar to her first one, there was something wholly different about this one.

For starters, her first vision different have anyone speaking to her. There was only a sense of dread as she watched the world consumed by darkness. This time, however…

Leliana's internal questioning was cut off by a similar sense of dread that had covered her in her original vision. A deep feeling of _wrong_ that chilled her down to her bones. It was then that Leliana noticed that the forest had become oddly quiet. Even the birds had stopped singing. There was only the sound of the wind as it cut through the leaves on the trees.

"Alistair…" Leliana whispered to herself. Every instinct she had honed over years of bardic training suddenly screamed out to her. Immediately Leliana took off back towards the camp where the others were. And the closer she got, the louder the sounds of fighting became.

The sight that Leliana came upon froze her to the spot. There in the midst of the camp was a full out battle between her allies and a group of Darkspawn. Several hurlocks were fighting with Sten and Shale, while Oghren was wildly swinging his hammer at an immense hurlock some distance away. And there in the middle of it all was Alistair, fighting bravely against a shriek. With powerful strikes, Leliana witnessed Alistair pummel the shriek with his shield.

Quickly, Leliana rushed over to her tent and grabbed her bow and arrows that rested just outside of the small shelter. Donning the quiver, she notched an arrow as her eyes once more found Alistair. Only now the sight nearly dropped her to her knees in fear. Alistair was now on the ground as the large hurlock that had been fighting Oghren was slowly approaching him. In horror Leliana watched as the Darkspawn raised the hammer it carried above its head, aiming to end Alistair's life.

"You will not take him!" Leliana screamed as she let an arrow fly, then another. The first two found the back of the hurlock, sticking out from its thick and ugly flesh. Gaining the creature's attention, it turned towards Leliana and growled threateningly. Leliana let three more arrows free in rapid succession, two landing in its chest while a third lodging deep in its throat. Yet still the foul thing continued towards her, it's heavy steps thumping in tune with the beat of her heart.

On the ground, Alistair had to shake his head to try and clear the confusion that came over him. One moment he was staring at the end of his life, the next he was watching Leliana pelt off arrows at the very hulking Darkspawn that had nearly killed him. The sight of the woman he cared for being stalked by such a beast snapped something Inside of Alistair. In a rage he leapt to his feet and gripped his sword tightly in his hand.

"Argh!" Alistair bellowed out in a deep war cry as he ran full speed at the immense hurlock.

Leliana continued to send off arrows at the approaching hurlock, yet none of them seemed to even slow the creature down. "Why won't you die already?!" She shouted as she let loose another arrow.

Just then the hurlock stopped in its tracks as a length of steel suddenly appeared poking through the creature's chest. Slowly it turned, revealing Alistair still clutching to the handle of his sword even as it impaled the Darkspawn. Letting loose an angry bellow, the hurlock swung out it's arm and knocked Alistair away, sending him flying for several feet before crashing down to the ground.

Leliana wanted to rush over to him, yet she pushed her concern to the side and instead notched another arrow. "Hey you ugly piece of over tanned leather!" Leliana called out, gaining the attention of the Darkspawn once more. "Only one person is allowed to hit him and get away with it. And you are not her!" Leliana then took careful aim and let her arrow fly. Zooming through the air, it lodged deep inside the eye slit of the crude helmet it wore.

The hurlock took a single step before it fell down to its knees, then toppled over dead. Leliana waited only a fraction of a second before she ran over to where Alistair was slowly trying to stand.

"Don't try to move…" she stated as she knelt down by his side.

Alistair had trouble believing his own eyes, and was beginning to wonder just how badly he may have injured his head from the fall. _Was she really here?_ he asked himself mentally. Still, despite her protests he continued to try to stand on his own. Which proved to be much harder than he thought. After the debilitating spell the mage healer had cast on him, combined with the exertion from fighting and the blows from the Darkspawn, Alistair finding it difficult to even keep his head up.

"You're… here…" he finally managed to say after his second attempt to stand ended up with him lying once more on his back.

Leliana smiled shyly as she cradled his head in her lap. "I told you, Alistair. I will always be here for you."

Alistair felt his face flush, torn between being thankful for her presence, and hating himself for ever sending her away. Wearily he lifted a gauntleted hand and lightly touched Leliana's cheek. "I'm an _such_ an arse…" he mumbled softly.

Leliana couldn't help but laugh at his statement. Bending over, she placed a small kiss to his forehead. "Yes. You definitely are. However, you're _my_ arse."

Alistair began to smile at her response, but a thought invaded his mind and caused his features to cloud. "What about… Zevran?" he asked her quietly, almost not wanting to know her answer.

"What about him?"

"I… I heard you… Earlier, outside of the Dalish camp. You said… That you cared for him…" Alistair turned his head and looked away, too full of shame to look upon her. However Leliana gently pulled his head back to face her.

"There is _nothing_ between Zevran and I. Riel is as sister to me, and I care for her as if we were indeed born of the same parents. And because of that, I also care for Zevran. As a _brother_. Nothing else."

If Alistair had hated himself before, it was nothing compared to how much he hated himself now. _Of course she she would care for Riel! And through their connection, she would also care for the one who was Riel… Even if that was a sneaky, conniving elven assassin…_

"Not only am I an arse, I really **am** an idiot…" Alistair groaned pitifully. "Leliana, I am so sorry…"

Again Leliana giggled. "Apology accepted," she replied with a soft smile.

"I so don't deserve you…"

"Yes you do…" Leliana paused to place another small kiss on his forehead. " _Most_ of the time…" she added with a giggle.

"Is everyone alright? Dalish scouts told us that Darkspawn attacked!"

Leliana looked up to see the worried face of Wynne standing nearby. "We killed the one that was attacking us. However, I am not sure about the others."

Wynne nodded and rushed off, no doubt to see the injuries of the others. When she was gone, Alistair once more tried to push himself up and stand. However, that was easier thought than done. As soon as he was able to pull himself to just a sitting position, a wave of dizziness assaulted him and he had to pause in his efforts before he fell back again.

"Hey! Where are you going! You need to rest!"

"Riel needs to know about this. The Darkspawn are getting bolder. This is the second time they attacked us during camp, and we are so close to the Dalish." Alistair grunted painfully as he slowly pushed himself up to his feet. Looking around the camp, he was pleased to see Oghren once more batting away Wynne's healing, even if he was lying flat on his back. Sten and Shale looked more worse for wear, either. However, he worried about other dangers that could still be lurking out in the shadows. "And if there are any more in the area, she needs to know. Things are becoming too dangerous to be separate like this…"

Leliana knew he was right, even though she hated to admit it. She was beginning to get used to being among the Dalish, and even though she knew that their time with the elves would eventually end, she had hoped for longer. However thinking on that now, Leliana realized how silly that thought was. They were in the midst of a war, were they not? One fought against an enemy that was ruthless and without emotion. While her time with the Dalish was a relieving break from the horror of their mission, there was still much that they needed to do.

"You're right. However, I don't think that it would be a good idea for you to go back to the Dalish camp to warn her…"

Alistair cursed as he remembered his earlier stupidity. "Damn it all… Lanaya said I was no longer welcome back there. And I _really_ don't want to be zapped by their spells again… _Zapping_ is _bad…_ Not to mention, _really_ painful..."

"I think Riel and Zevran were at the stream not too far from here. At least, that is what one of the Dalish hunters told me before I rushed here," Wynne stated as she approached them. "Sorry to eavesdrop. However, you pick up a few things living in the Circle Tower. Good hearing is a _must_ for avoiding being caught by… Well… Let's just say that not _all_ of the rules were followed as strictly as they should have been. Even by us senior mages…" Wynne stated with a coy wink towards Alistair.

Alistair raised his eyebrow in a questioning glance before shaking his head. "Right… Something tells me that I do **not** want to know what you mean by that…"

"Well, the stream should be okay for you to go to, right? I mean, it's not _technically_ in the camp, right?" Leliana asked with her usual optimism.

"Riel needs to know about this attack. And this may be my only chance to talk to her for who knows how long. I'm going," Alistair stated flatly. He then turned to Leliana and smiled. "Will you come with me? I feel safer knowing that you're there… After all, what if we run into another enormous Darkspawn? If you're not there, who's going to pelt the blasted thing with arrows while I distract it with my big, shiny sword?"

Leliana giggled and rolled her eyes at the overly sweet look that Alistair was giving her. "Of course I'll come. Maker knows you would be lost without me there…" she answered back in a fake mocking tone.

Alistair laughed as he walked over to the immense Darkspawn and with a heave pulled his blade free from it's chest. Just then Oghren came limping over, his red hair and beard covered in Darkspawn blood. With a sneer the dwarf looked down at the hurlock before bending down and picking up his hammer.

"Serves you sodding bastard right. No one touches Oghren's junk and lives!" he spat out angrily before kicking the dead Darkspawn had in the ribs. He then marched away back towards his tent, where he reached into a large satchel and pulled out a waterskin. However, both Alistair and Leliana knew it wasn't water that the dwarf kept inside the skin. And the foul smell that assaulted their senses as Oghren uncorked the skin was proof enough of that.

Alistair shook his head and sighed. "Come on, let's go. I'd rather _not_ watch him get even drunker than he already is."

The two of them walked briskly through the thickly wooded forest towards the rippling stream that rested near the edges of the Dalish camp. All the while Alistair silently hoped that they wouldn't come across any of the Dalish elves. He was already sore enough for one day. The last thing he wanted was another round under that blasted spell…

As they approached the stream, the woods opened up to reveal the picturesque scenery of the enclosed area. Hidden away in the thick forest, it really was a true beauty to behold. With green summer grass giving way to a clear and sparkling source of fresh water that supplied the many creatures of the area. Leliana had heard that this particular spot was a favorite among some of the elves, not only for it's beauty but because of how even the animals seemed to respect the sanctity and safety of the area.

Wolves and halla would come and drink side by side, living in a harmony here that would normally go against their very natures. Here though, it was if a magic spell kept the peace of all that came here. And perhaps it did. An ancient site holy to perhaps the Avvar barbarians to the south, or even the elves from long ago, there was no deny the unique feeling one would get simply by being here.

And there in the stream sitting on a large boulder was Riel, with Zevran at her side. However, before either Leliana or Alistair could call out to the elven couple, Zevran took Riel into his arms and swung her around. Then in a great shout that no doubt could be heard for miles, Zevran shouted out in happy exuberance words that nearly knocked Alistair right over in shock.

"I'm going to be a father!" Zevran exclaimed loudly.

Beside him, Leliana gasped, her hand coming up to her mouth in surprise. Alistair himself felt his whole mind go blank. There was _no way_ she could be pregnant… Could there be? Without thinking Alistair rushed over to where the two elves were, a dangerous swirl of emotions blending and twisting inside of him.

As soon as he got close Zevran turned and pulled his dagger on him, however Alistair remained unfazed by the silent threat. Instead his whole focus was Riel, who seemed just as surprised to see him as he was.

"You're _**pregnant?!"**_ he shouted, his face mottled and red from both anger and exertion.


End file.
